I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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