Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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