i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
