We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
