dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
