That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Randomize
