Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This is the high leading the old right now
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
