Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
