There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
