plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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