Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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