we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
