he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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