I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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