Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
