did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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