So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
