You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
