i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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