That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
