yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
