my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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