i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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