He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
