I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
its not stalking. its research.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
