Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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