i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
