Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
