You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
