i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
