You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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