The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
