Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
