I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
