So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
