Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
