Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
