apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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