He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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