I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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