I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
