You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
A+ Viking dick
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