also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
