We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
3 2 1 whiskey
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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