I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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