i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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