dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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