and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
