Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
