If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
