I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
