How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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