why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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